Torture time!!!

You must have eaten green chilies in your food, but have you eaten them raw? They are simply too spicy! Causing tears to flow down your face, making your tongue burn severely and making your mind spin at top speed, green chilies can be used as an excellent agonizing agent! All you have to do is to make the culprit chew the green chilly for whole one minute. It will ensure that he starts panting like a dog, giving you a chance to ridicule him and have some fun time. Since, by now, his taste buds will have inflated to the best, ask him to rinse his mouth with hot water. The persecuted will have a feeling as if his tongue is ablaze! You will be burning someone without actually burning him! Ok enough agony caused! Now, I guess, is the time to take some mercy. So in order to end the show, allow the poor tortured soul to gulp down some cold water.

What you guys say: won’t this technique be excellent with pestering wives?! Ladies, you can too participate in this provided “you” exercise control on your husband. It will be full time revenge!

PS: I am evil, no?!

Crank Callers II

It is ofcourse quite annoying to receive crank calls from annonymous people especially in the middle of night. Obviously, you want to get back at them. But how? Try this.

It is all simple but quite sinister (you cannot expect any better from me!). Get logged in to your Yahoo! messenger and enter a chatroom. Now give the cell number of the pathetic person to the room people. Say you are a girl and wants to friendship (Peak of cheapness! But that is what I have seen in chatrooms.) or whatever that might fool the other person into calling on that number.Make sure that you are not using your official ID and also, it must be a girly one.

When the people, you have given the number to, finds out that the person they are calling is not a girl but a guy, they are bound to get pissed off. The crank caller will learn his lesson then as he will be receivng endless calls and text messages. Poor him.

So, what you say? Isn’t it a better way than switching off your cellphones and missing calls and stuff?

Hey Everyone….

 EID GREETINGS!!!

(in advance )

 Lets see how much “eidi” you are going to get. Mine will not even cross Rs.1000! Still considered a kiddo! Thats not fair!

Anyway, enjoy your eid! 

Honest Answers

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it’s just that you called me first.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company, whoever gives me a job, I don’t have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation…

5. What is your biggest strength?
I dare to join any company who pays me well, without thinking about the fate of company.

6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

7. What was your worst mistake and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and I learnt that I need to switch my job to get more money, so I am here today.

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9. Describe a challenge that you faced and how did you overcome it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question “why are you looking for a change” and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your previous job.

11. What do you want from this job?
No work and good hikes.

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Making more money and for that I keep switching jobs every two years.

13. What do you know about our company?
I knew you will ask me this question. So, I’ve gone through your website.

14. What salary are you expecting?
Well, no one will change his job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting right now. I know you will bargain on whatever I ask.So I have already hiked my current salary by 30%.

Bachelors Beware!!!

One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell.”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how wrong he is.”

HELP!!!!

Today I broke the burette worth Rs.1400 especially brought in from England!!! The ultimate damage to the school’s property! Now, this is something to be really proud of!
The lab assistant, however, did not take it as something to feel good about and he so not sympathised with my carelessness! He had me sign the register confessing my crime!!! I was tensed earlier. I have just Rs. 500 in my account ( that too by some luck!) and there are still a thousand rupees needed (the option of going to my parents is out of question)! Now what? And then clicked my mind: Why not to follow the policy of Paki people and establish “CHANDA BARRAI BURETTE”?!
So, “Merrai pyarrai naik aur hamdard musalman bhai aur bheno (some buttering had to be done), give your donations to your this Musalman Baihun and save her from the wrath of her superiors! It is a prestigious month of Ramazan and you will be rewarded for this nobel act. So, hesitate not and give “Chanda barai burette!!!”" ………

Humorous Bumper Stickers

Caution: I drive like you do!”

“I brake for scholars, priests, and no apparent reason.”

“You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who cares.”

“My other car bumper sticker is funny.”

“I’m in no hurry; I’m on my way to work.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“I just got a new car for my wife today. Best trade I ever made.”

“Back off! I’m not that kind of car.”

“I may be slow but I’m ahead of you!”

“I’m not deaf… I’m just ignoring you.”

I found these while I was googling for  quotations for a cousin. So, which ones do you think are the best???

Ingenious way of cheating-applicable in all examinations!

forgetting something in the examinations or not having the syllabus properly prepared, the only thing that comes to the rescue is cheating. traditional methods like asking from neighbouring students; having small pieces (bootian) of paper containing the helping material stuffed inside socks, geometries , ballpoint caps; or using hand gestures to confirm the answer had been used over years. they have become a common knowledge. using these methods can land one into trouble.

Here. try this new modern method. its purely ingenious.all you need is an alcohol-based fluorescent ink pen with a black light and a plastic clip board. write down the required material on the clip board using the specified pen. whatever you will write will be invisible. in order to read what you have written you will need to highlight the place where you wrote with black light. this invisible text has the advantage of saving you from getting into trouble with the invigilator. plus, you can also rub it clean with your hand! leaving no trace behind!

So, that is it. enjoy cheating right under the nose of the invigilator without having being caught!